if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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