I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
