I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
