I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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