I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
