My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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