dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize