I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
