Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
