You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
