so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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