The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
