Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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