I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
