I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
