How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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