I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
