just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
