Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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