We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
