You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
