Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
