Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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