The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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