1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
