I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
