You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
