Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
