the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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