im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
