Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
