He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
