I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
