giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
