I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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