Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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