I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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