alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize