he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize