dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
