If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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