Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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