he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
