I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
