thus making me awesome and them whores
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize