Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
