Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
