i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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