his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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