The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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