So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
