His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
