i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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