shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
