I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
