I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
