So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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