The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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