forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
