The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Barsexuality is the new black.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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