Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize