Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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