And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
