shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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