HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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