at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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