He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
