Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
