sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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