well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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