I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
