I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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