Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
