i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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