honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
