That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
