i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
