These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Holy sore nipples Batman
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
