I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
