Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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