i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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