apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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