After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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