So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
