Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
