The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
