i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
