We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
