You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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