I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
