There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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