i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
