the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
