I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
