Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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