She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
