if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
