When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
