YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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