My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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